Finding Strength

It's been way too long since I last posted. I guess I have just been wrapped up in work, school and the duties of being a Navy wife...whatever that means.

I guess I kind if feel like I've been cheated.  I don't feel like a wife because Ryan and I have been separated for so long. The saying is true.

It doesn't get easier; you just get stronger.

I feel like I heard that every day when I was a new MilSO going through the horrors of bootcamp and being separated from my best friend for the first time.  Now, I have found the deeper meaning behind it. I guess I thought that I would "get used to" him being gone, but, honestly, it just hasn't happened for me yet. I still think about him all of the time -- still make plans as if he was here.

Does anyone else feel like they're playing a game of 20 freaking questions every time they go to a get together, party, family dinner, etc?  I don't think people understand that everyone under the sun has the same questions and I don't have the answers.

No, I don't know when he is coming back.
No, he won't be home for Christmas.
No, I can't talk to him right now.
No, I don't know where we are going to be stationed next.
Yes, it's hard.

It makes it so hard to enjoy getting out of the house when the only thing people want to talk about is Ryan, the military, etc.  I'm sick of talking about the military and sick of telling you all, "I don't know."  It hurts my heart to tell you that I don't know the next time I'll see my husband or talk to my husband.

Right now, I'm just trying to find level ground and figure out my life, his life, our lives.  I feel like I have so much to balance.  I don't know if I am getting stronger, but I know that this definitely hasn't gotten any easier. I still dread the next time I have to say goodbye as if I've already said hello.

December can't get here fast enough. Maybe seeing my husband again after 7 long months will help me to find that strength everyone's been talking about.